This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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