I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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