Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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