Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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