He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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