If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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