I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
