I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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