Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
