glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
