All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
