evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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