I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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