im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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