he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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