Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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