Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
