I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
