Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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