I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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