Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize