Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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