How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
