I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
