My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
