my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize