I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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