I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You smell like stripper and shame
Let's paint friendship bongs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
