I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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