Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
