This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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