two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
