Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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