hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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