i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
