You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
