I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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