remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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