this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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