Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
