Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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