I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
