He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize