All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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