Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
