just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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