he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
