oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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