just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
