God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
