Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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