Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
