Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
