Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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