ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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