my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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