So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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