I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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