I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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