Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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