garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
