I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
