All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
