dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
