fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
