Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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