if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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