i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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