apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
