God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
